Blog Archives

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 22

Growing up, my family didn’t watch a lot of television. wonderful world of disney

By the time my brother and I were in school, my parents limited us to seven hours of television a week.

Because of that, we had to choose carefully, but we always chose to watch The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday nights.

In the days before cable television, movie rentals or pay per view,  we always looked forward to watching the movies in the comfort of our own home.

My parents would pop popcorn, and we’d settle in to watch an old Kurt Russell movie like The Strongest Man in the World or an even older movie like Fred MacMurray’s The Shaggy Dog.

Times have changed dramatically since the mid 1970’s, but my love for those movies never will.

They always make me smile.

Day 22:  The Wonderful World of Disney   Day 21: Puppy love

Day 20 Personal Theme Songs     Day 19:  Summer Clouds

Day 18: Bartholomew Cubbin’s Victory

Day 17:  A Royal Birth        Day 16:  Creative Kids

Day 15: The Scent of Honeysuckle   Day 14: Clip of Kevin Kline Exploring His Masculinity

Day 13: Random Text Messages from My Daughter     Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs    Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers  Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock   Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment     Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles  

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill    Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 21

Ikcandrodneyf someone were to ask me what is needed to live a happy life, having a dog would be at the top of my list.

Even when I was young, I knew I could never marry a man who didn’t love dogs and consider them important family members.

But that never guaranteed I would have children who love dogs.

Thank goodness they do, and that always makes me smile.

Day 21:  Puppy Love

Day 20: Personal Theme Songs   Day 19:  Summer Clouds

Day 18: Bartholomew Cubbin’s Victory

Day 17:  A Royal Birth        Day 16:  Creative Kids

Day 15: The Scent of Honeysuckle   Day 14: Clip of Kevin Kline Exploring His Masculinity

Day 13: Random Text Messages from My Daughter     Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs    Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers  Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock   Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment     Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles  

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill    Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 13

text messageI am so fortunate to have the gift of my daughter. She is smart and energetic and enthusiastic and expressive.

Especially expressive.

Like her mother, she shares exactly what’s on her mind.

At almost 12, her topics of discussion range from the characters in the latest book she is reading to her dislike of the dinner menu.

When I’m not with her, she uses text messages to share her opinions. I feel fortunate that she still wants to let me into her psyche, and that always makes me smile.

Day 13:  Random Text Messages From My Daughter

Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs

Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers

Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock

Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment

Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill

Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 11

Rodney at Water Fountain

Rodney at Water Fountain

One of the benefits of having children is that they literally look at the world through different eyes. That’s why my daughter had to point out that the water fountain at our local park is designed for dogs.

I’ve walked by the fountain hundreds of times and even used it on occasion. Yet I never noticed that particularly amenity until my daughter instructed me to let our dog use the lower fountain while we humans drank from the two higher ones.

The concept is brilliant, and watching my dog take advantage of it always makes me smile.

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs

Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers

Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock

Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment

Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill

Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

Universal Questions

If popular culture is to be believed, all of our questions will ultimately be answered when we die.

I may be a bit impatient, but I’m not ready to find out if that’s true. I’m not even all that eager to have all my questions answered.

For the moment, I’m quite content to muddle along and think that wondering is the essence of living.

And wonder I do.

I know there are people who believe there is a master plan or that we just have to trust fate. But, in reality, there are more seven billion people on earth. If even one percent of those people are similar to me, they are constantly doing something random and unplanned that could change everything.

There are just no easy answers about how the universe works.

I first learned that during a summer in the late 1970’s.

My family was spending our summer vacation exploring Yellowstone National Park and the surrounding area.

Knowing my parents, the trip was well-planned. But even the best planning doesn’t take into account when little girls have to go to the bathroom.

My dad grumbled as he pulled our Oldsmobile 98 sedan into a parking spot at a visitors’ information center. As my mother and I headed to the women’s room, we paid little attention to the car with Michigan license place that nosed in next to us.

But my dad was paying attention.

Which is why he chose to watch a slide presentation about some geological event that had occurred at some point in history at our current location. I have no recollection of what the event was or when it occurred. All I know is that when my mom and I sought out my dad and brother, they were watching the presentation.

Or they were at least pretending to watch.

My dad was sitting in a metal folding chair wearing a foolish grin and pointing to the people in front of him.

Those people were my great-uncle Vilas and his new girlfriend, Betty.

Uncle Vilas, who was from the Detroit Michigan area, had visited us once in Oregon, but I really didn’t remember him. My parents didn’t even know he had a girlfriend, even though his wife had passed away years before.

All we knew was that, by some unbelievable coincidence, we had pulled into a visitors’ center in Montana at the exact same time.Uncle Vilas Bates

After the slide show ended, my mom tapped him on the shoulder. When he recognized her, he was initially shocked then broke into a wide grin. We spent time in that visitors’ center catching up. Then we went our separate ways.

That was the last time we saw my Uncle Vilas. He died a few years later in 1986, but my family always talked about the coincidence.

Then, just a few weeks ago, I was asked to judge a Boys and Girls Club state scholarship competition, and the national coordinator was from Adrian Michigan, where my mother was born. As we talked about the coincidence, I discovered that her parents had graduated from high school where and when my Uncle Vilas was principal.

My immediate reaction was “it’s a small world.” But sometimes, that’s just hard to believe,

michigan state bandI began to a do a little more family research and discovered that Uncle Vilas, like my son, played a brass instrument in a band. I also discovered that he, like I have, spent his career in service to others rather than in the business world.

I’m still not sure if that means anything more than he seems to pop into my life at the most unexpected moments.

But I’m willing to wait for the answer.

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 2

HoustonBatesfamilyI’ve always been interested in history, and my own family history is no exception. Because of that, I’m grateful to have been trusted with old family photos.

From the tintypes to stiff cardboard photos to fragile albums that are falling apart, I treasure those photos and the secrets they hold.Andrew and Hannah Bates

If nothing else, they remind me how lucky I am to be a woman who can choose to wear shorts, or pants or a skirt. They remind me of modern conveniences. And they remind me that I owe my life to all the people who have come before me.

I’m carrying their DNA and carrying on their legacy.

And that’s why old photographs always give me a reason to smile.

batesfamilyDay 2:  Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

A Piece of Your Dad

Summer 1998

Summer 1998

A message to my 15 year-old son:

The moment you were born, your dad grinned wider than I’ve ever seen. Then he said,”This is the best day of my life.”

And he meant it.

While my mind was spinning with worry, and I wasn’t even sure if I was even cut out to be a mother, your dad knew he had arrived at the place he was always meant to be – fatherhood.

Since then, he’s never left that place. Not even once. And that hasn’t always been an easy thing to do.

Not all men have the fortitude to be a father, and, and as you should well know, it is often a thankless job. It’s even harder when you grow up without much of a role model.

But your father has something a lot of men don’t – the ability to put his ego aside and focus on what he believes is most important – always being available for you and your sister.

From the moment you were born, you have been his priority. He’s never stopped believing in you or being your number one champion. Ever.

At those times when I’ve cried over your behavior or questioned what I did wrong, your dad always spoke up for you. And he was always the voice of reason.

On those days when I worried that you weren’t like other boys – that you weren’t particularly interested in playing sports or being overly social – he always praised you for being comfortable in your own skin and being true to yourself. And he was always right.

Summer 2013

Summer 2013

And all those times when you were being the total and complete goof you are, he was proud of you and never hid his face in embarrassment.

Well, almost never.

I know we often joke about your blood line and about your genealogy, but, in all honesty, you should be proud of being your father’s son.

You may not have his brown eyes or his poker straight hair, but you have something much more important.

You have pieces of his heart and pieces of his soul.

Treasure them and make good use of them. Your dad sacrificed a great deal so you could have them.

The Cost of My Opinion

The bloodiest single-day battle in American history occurred approximately 15 miles from my house. Nearly 23,000 soldiers died, were wounded or went missing after twelve hours of combat on September 17, 1862 at the Battle of Antietam during the Civil War. The lingering echoes and impact of that battle are still felt more than 150 years later.

Both the Union and the Confederacy experienced devastating losses, and historians have never declared a true winner. But for me, my family won.  My great, great-grandfather James F. Bartlett (his biography and obituary are on this website right below Edward Bartlett’s) fought with the Massachusetts Infantry and survived. although he did sustain injuries on May 6, 1864, at the Battle of the Wilderness.

John Snyder gravestone Elmwood Cemetery

John Snyder gravestone Elmwood Cemetery

Ironically, my husband’s great, great-grandfather, John Snyder, died in June 1864 of wounds he sustained at the Battle of the Wilderness while fighting with the Stonewall Brigade.

Years ago, a local historian gave my husband and me a tour of John Snyder’s town and legacy. The tour ended at Elmwood Cemetery in Shepherdstown, where he is buried.

Newly married, I was actually interested in John Snyder until our volunteer tour guide pulled out a Confederate flag for my husband to place on his great, great-grandfather’s grave.

I loudly proclaimed that the Confederate flag had a very specific meaning, and my husband was not allowed to touch it. He tried to explain the flag was meant to honor his great, great grandfather, but I declared that the Confederate flag had nothing to do with honoring anyone. My husband placed the flag on the grave anyway.

Years later, I recognize my words were nothing but rude, and I had absolutely no right to be indignant.

I’ve never put my life on the line for my beliefs, and I have no right to judge those who did. All I can be is thankful.

The passage of time can change perspective and opinion about what is best and sometimes even what is moral, but it will never change what is honorable.

My children carry the blood of two honorable men who fought for what they believed during a time when our nation was completely divided. They also carry the last name of a man who lost his life fighting for what he thought would be a better life for them.

On Memorial Day, I have no right to argue about putting a Confederate flag on a soldier’s grave. Instead, I should simply be grateful that I have the freedom to make those arguments.

That freedom didn’t come without a price, and today we honor those who paid it.

Swimming in a Dress

This week, I had two conversations that morphed into one question about how we live our lives.

The first conversation was with a friend who told me about home-schooled children who were on a field trip at the Shepherd University pool. They were affiliated with a religious group that prohibits females from wearing pants, and, apparently prohibits swimming suits as well. My friend’s son watched astounded as the girls jumped into the pool still in their dresses.

The second conversation occurred on the phone with my mother, who wanted to know if my son had received his birthday check. After telling her yes, I added, “I know, he hasn’t sent a thank you note to acknowledge it. I’m a bad mom.”

My mother disagreed. “No, you aren’t. You are a much better mom than I was.”

Her comment shocked me, because I’m not even close to the type of mother she was.

My mom always made sure we sent thank you notes immediately. She planned menus that met every dietary guideline. And she ensured we did our Saturday chores, our beds were always made and that our laundry was always put away.

Not only do I fail to do all of those things on a regular basis. but my life is a chaotic mess compared to the structure in which I grew up. I told this to my mother in fewer words, but she responded, “You have fun with your kids. You know how to relax and just enjoy them. I never did.”

Not to belabor the point, but she WAS always wound quite tightly, and I’m generally not wound nearly that tight.

But getting unwound wasn’t easy. As I recently told a friend, “I spent the first 15 years of my life being a nerd trying to follow all the rules, and I spent the next 15 years trying to prove I was a rebel. Then I became a mom and had to find a happy medium.”

In short, I had to break free of restrictive expectations and learn balance so I could enjoy life.

Which brings me back to the girls who jumped into the swimming pool in their dresses and to my question.

“Can anyone really enjoy life fully when they are restricted by a rigid belief system?”

Being in a pool with a dress is probably more fun than not being the pool at all, but I can’t imagine it was all that enjoyable. The water-logged clothing had to make movement difficult and exhausting.

I have absolutely no right to question or judge the beliefs and choices of the girls or their families. If they choose to swim in a dress, they have every right to do so.

But I have every right to question my own choices and the self-imposed restraints I’ve often put on myself – those that prohibit me from enjoying life. Sometimes these have been thinking a work deadline is more important than a few hours with my children. Sometimes they have been my obsession with gaining weight. And sometimes they’ve been my concerns that I will fail when I try something new.

I’ve definitely done my share of swimming in a dress.

But both times and people evolve, and as I’ve aged, I’ve become better and better at shedding my dress. That doesn’t mean I’m going out in public in a string bikini, but it does mean I can enjoy a good swim in a modest tankini.

Slaying the Lizard of Oz

Public domain image, royalty free stock photo from www.public-domain-image.com When my daughter was in preschool, she discovered The Wizard of Oz, and even though she absolutely loved the story, she just couldn’t get the title quite right. She called the classic story “The Lizard of Oz.”

Initially, my  husband and I tried to correct her, but nothing worked.

My son, on other hand, never even attempted to point out that a lizard is very different from a wizard. He simply chose to make fun of his sister, and since she didn’t understand his ridicule, she wasn’t really bothered.

Trying to teach my daughter the difference seemed futile. Instead, we decided that allowing her to happily promote the concept of a giant lizard ruling over the Land of Oz  made our lives more peaceful.

At least, it was more peaceful until that day she came home dismayed that her parents made her look foolish by allowing her to publicly talk about “The Lizard of Oz.”

I can’t tell this story without thinking of all the adults who also believe in the Lizard of Oz.

These are people who make up their minds about something and only listen to those who validate their beliefs: the politicians who believe that they speak for “all Americans” or the old white guys with money who only listen to other old white guys with money (or to those who pander to them). They, like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, could easily gain wisdom. All they’d have to do is listen to people who better understand the real issues.

These are the people who only make decisions based on their own paradigm. They ignore that the world is changing, which means their way of doing things should change too. Instead, they, like the Tin Man, appear heartless because of their refusal to adapt with little regard for others.

These are the people who are self-absorbed. Like the Wicked Witch of the East, they believe those seeking help are the problem, and they care more about feeding their own egos than feeding the hungry.cowardly-lion

But no matter how hurtful or destructive these people are, they get away with their behavior because there are even more of us who enable it. We act like the Cowardly Lion, who is afraid of everything. We fear calling out those who are wrong. We fear making ourselves look bad. We fear causing too many problems. We fear repercussions. And we fear failure.

But being the Cowardly Lion is outside of my comfort zone. I’m not the type to sit back because trying to change misperceptions and outright mistakes is too difficult.

I’m off to slay the lizard, the problematic Lizard of Oz.