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Too Close For Comfort

9922247156_416ec698b0_kMy 15 year-old daughter hates when I write anything without her approval and her editorial input. (For the record, she is an awesome editor.)

But sometimes she’s involved in something so much bigger than her or her editing skills that I am compelled to write without her approval.

This is one of those times.

To fully understand this story, you have to understand my daughter.

She is the girl who cares about every single living being and will always root for the underdog. She is the child who Googled how to provide emergency care for a baby squirrel and made me drive to the drug store to buy Pedialyte and a medicine dropper so she could save the one our cat dragged in.

She makes me buy tofu because it never breathed, can’t enjoy shrimp because they used to swim freely in the ocean and notes that every hamburger was once a cow.

And that same love of every creature is why she saved a cicada that was struggling on the sidewalk.

We were walking our German Shepherd when I heard her gasp and tell me to stop.

“He’s struggling,” she said pointing at the cicada on its back with legs flailing helplessly in the air.”I need to help him.” (Personally, I have absolutely no idea how to tell a male cicada from a female cicada so I went with  her assumption that the cicada was a guy.)

Kendall nudged “the guy” with her shoe so he could grab onto it.

And grab on he did.

Once he had flipped himself upright on her canvas shoe, he began to slowly make his way up toward the laces.

And that’s when the screaming started.

“Get him off!” my daughter screamed. “Get him off.”

The piercing quality of her screams gained urgency because I wasn’t acting quickly enough.

By the time the cicada’s tiny, spindly legs had begun to make their way up my daughter’s bare legs, I was convinced that one of the neighbors was calling 911 to report a murder in progress.

When I finally did locate a stick (because I didn’t want to actually touch the bug either), my daughter was almost in a state of panic. Thankfully, I was able to get the cicada onto the stick and then safely onto the grass.

Kendall almost immediately admitted her shame at not wanting to actually touch the bug she was trying to save.

I told her that was natural and she shouldn’t worry, but I couldn’t help but compare that situation to ones I witness almost every day.

I work at a social service organization with a mission of improving the lives of others, particularly those living in poverty.

On a regular basis, I see the generosity of others to help the less fortunate. And not a day goes by when I’m not in awe of individuals who don’t run screaming when they realize that a simple financial donation isn’t enough to raise people out of poverty.

Does the money help? Absolutely!

Is it the answer? Absolutely not!

While there will always be individuals in situational poverty who just need that one financial boost to get them back on the right track, most of the people who walk through my office doors aren’t on any track at all. Instead, they are stumbling through an obstacle course of life designed by people who live in a world that is foreign to them.

Some of them don’t understand the importance of education. Others were taught that arguing and fighting is the only way to get what they want. And some have never even experienced the security of being a priority to parents, caregivers or anyone else who wants nothing in return but their well-being.

Letting such individuals people into our lives can be difficult and frightening. As my daughter stated after the incident with the cicada “My screaming didn’t indicate I didn’t want to help, but I just freaked out when he actually touched me.”

I understand her sentiment, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t step outside of our comfort zones.

Saving a life – whether it is that of a bug or that of another human being – often requires us to do just that. It can get messy and dirty and sometimes even scary.

But if we really want to change the world, we have to touch the world we want to change.

 

Here’s Looking at You, Dad

evadna and kenMy parents have been married nearly 51 years, and I still wonder how they ever got together.

I’ve heard stories about when they first met during their Peace Corps training at Notre Dame University. As my dad’s theater voice boomed Spanish words perfectly from the back of the classroom, my mother sat diligently in the front row trying to learn the language while simultaneously fuming at my dad’s easy grasp of it.

Nothing else captures the difference between my parents more clearly.

My mom is serious, studious and a perfectionist. She went to college because that is what was expected. She has never claimed she has any natural talent. Instead she credits any accomplishment to practice and diligence. And she, like her daughter, is more comfortable doing something productive than simply relaxing. That’s not to say she doesn’t take time to enjoy the beauty of the world around her. She does. She just enjoys it more when it has a purpose.Ken Bartlett

babykenMy dad, on the other hand, has devoted his life to ensuring everyone around him understands the importance of  joy. While my mom taught me how to persevere, my dad taught me how to make the most of every opportunity.

From what he says, no one ever believed he could go to college. Upon graduating from high school, he joined the Navy because he knew it would take him places that he would never otherwise go. Following that, he did manage to go to college, where he received a degree in forestry. He loved the natural world and recognized what the earth can give people if we treat it right.

And then he joined the Peace Corps and met my mother.

And then he got married and became a father.

As a little girl, I never realized how lucky I was to have a dad who encouraged my mother to be the person she wanted to be, just as he encouraged my brother and me to pursue what made us happy. In elementary school, I never thought twice about the man who spent his free time on the stage and in his gardens rather than succumbing to stereotypical male interests.  And as a teenager, I never appreciated all he sacrificed and tolerated for the sake of his family.

Now that I’m adult, I appreciate all of that.

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Even though I’ve often questioned how my parents ever got together, I’ve always been grateful they did. I owe my life to them. I’m not referring to the fact that I wouldn’t be alive without them. I’m referring to the fact that I am extremely fortunate that the two most influential people in my life provided me with a sense of balance.

While my mom was my greatest teacher, my dad was my greatest cheerleader. More importantly, they both served as examples of being true to yourself rather than true to societal expectations. And they stood side by side while they each did this in his/her own unique way.

Because of that, they deserve more recognition than I give them.

For example, my dad is celebrating his 49th Father’s Day this year, and I wish I could say I remembered to send his card on time or that I got him a gift that conveys my appreciation.

Unfortunately, I didn’t do either.

So instead, I’m writing these words. I’m sure that is something my dad, who always encouraged me to pursue  my interests, my passions and most of all my heart, completely understands.

And if that doesn’t make him a great dad, I don’t know what does.

 

 

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 47

kendallTwelve years ago today, my daughter was due to arrive in the world.

I was positive she wouldn’t.

No one in my family went into labor on time, and my son, who had been born nearly 3 1/2 years earlier, was induced.

I should have realized how different siblings can be.

My son is never in a hurry and takes his time doing anything.

My daughter is more precise, which is probably why she arrived on her due date.

But up to the last-minute, I was convinced she would be born a Virgo rather than a Leo.

My husband loves to tell the story about how I insisted on walking the dogs when my contractions were less than five minutes apart. I love to report my efficient use of the short the time between arriving at the hospital and holding Kendall in my arms.

Twelve years later, my husband and I love our opinionated daughter more than ever.

We also laugh at her first professional baby picture, which shows her attitude at an early age (as evidenced by a certain finger gesture).

And that always makes us smile.

Day 47:  Birthday Stories   Day 46: Nature’s Hold on Us

Day 45:  Play-Doh   Day 44: First Day of School Pictures

Day 43: Calvin and Hobbes  Day 42: Appreciative Readers

Day 41: Marilyn Monroe’s Best Quote   Day 40:  Being Silly

Day 39:  Being Happy Exactly Where You Are  Day 38: Proud Grandparents

Day 37: Chocolate Chip Cookies   Day 36: Challenging Experiences that Make Great Stories

Day 35: You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Day 34:  Accepting the Fog    Day 33: I See the Moon

Day 32: The Stonehenge Scene from This is Spinal Tap

Day 31: Perspective

Day 30:  Unlikely Friendships  Day 29: Good Samaritans

Day 28:  Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?    Day 27: Shadows

Day 26: Bike Riding on Country Roads

Day 25: When Harry Met Sally

Day 24:  Hibiscus   Day 23: The Ice Cream Truck

Day 22:  The Wonderful World of Disney   Day 21: Puppy love

Day 20 Personal Theme Songs     Day 19:  Summer Clouds

Day 18: Bartholomew Cubbin’s Victory Day 17:  A Royal Birth        Day 16:  Creative Kids Day 15: The Scent of Honeysuckle   Day 14: Clip of Kevin Kline Exploring His Masculinity Day 13: Random Text Messages from My Daughter     Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs    Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers  Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember Day  7:  Finding the missing sock   Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment     Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles   Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill    Day 2: Old Photographs Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 40

This week, my daughter and I spent a few days with my parents, which is always an experience.

When people ask me where my parents live, I say down a gravel road off  a country road in the middle of nowhere.

Their home is a beautiful retreat surrounded by gardens and forest. It is also almost completely unplugged.

Which means I had to break into the cemetery a half mile down the gravel road, climb up a hill and hold my phone above my head to get a cell phone signal. And even that didn’t really work.

So instead of checking email, text messages or the internet, I spent time with family and particularly with my daughter.

At one point, we used the camera on my computer to get completely silly.

kc and trina 1     kc and trina 2

kc and trina3 Kendall and Trina

And, I’m pretty sure, the resulting photos will always make me smile.

Day 40: Being Silly

Day 39:  Being Happy Exactly Where You Are  Day 38: Proud Grandparents

Day 37: Chocolate Chip Cookies   Day 36: Challenging Experiences that Make Great Stories

Day 35: You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Day 34:  Accepting the Fog    Day 33: I See the Moon

Day 32: The Stonehenge Scene from This is Spinal Tap

Day 31: Perspective

Day 30:  Unlikely Friendships  Day 29: Good Samaritans

Day 28:  Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?    Day 27: Shadows

Day 26: Bike Riding on Country Roads

Day 25: When Harry Met Sally

Day 24:  Hibiscus   Day 23: The Ice Cream Truck

Day 22:  The Wonderful World of Disney   Day 21: Puppy love

Day 20 Personal Theme Songs     Day 19:  Summer Clouds

Day 18: Bartholomew Cubbin’s Victory Day 17:  A Royal Birth        Day 16:  Creative Kids Day 15: The Scent of Honeysuckle   Day 14: Clip of Kevin Kline Exploring His Masculinity Day 13: Random Text Messages from My Daughter     Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs    Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers  Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember Day  7:  Finding the missing sock   Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment     Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles   Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill    Day 2: Old Photographs Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 33

moonOne of my first memories is of sitting with my family watching a moon landing on the screen of our only television, a black and white Sony with dials with very few channels.

I don’t know which moon landing we were watching, but I do remember thinking that the event had to be much more interesting in live color.

I put on the hand-knitted brown sweater, which I had always wished was pink, and told my parents I was going out in the front yard.

I marched my chubby legs down the front porch steps and stared up at the moon expectantly. I was sure at any moment I would see a couple of ant-sized specks jumping around on it just as I had seen the astronauts jumping on the larger moon on television.

But no matter how hard I stared, I never saw anything moving on the moon.

Eventually, I trudged back up the stairs, removed my ugly brown sweater and rejoined my family.

I never told anyone why I had gone outside, but I think my mom instinctively knew.

She also knew I much I loved singing a song about the moon with her.

“I see the moon and the moon sees me. The moon sees somebody I want to see. So God bless the moon and God bless me. And God bless the somebody I want to see.”

I had to pass that on.

From the moment she was born, I sang that song to my daughter. Since she was singing before she could talk, she was soon singing the song with me.

And to this day, that song always makes me smile.

Day 33: I See the Moon

Day 32: The Stonehenge Scene from This is Spinal Tap

Day 31: Perspective

Day 30:  Unlikely Friendships  Day 29: Good Samaritans

Day 28:  Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?    Day 27: Shadows

Day 26: Bike Riding on Country Roads

Day 25: When Harry Met Sally

Day 24:  Hibiscus   Day 23: The Ice Cream Truck

Day 22:  The Wonderful World of Disney   Day 21: Puppy love

Day 20 Personal Theme Songs     Day 19:  Summer Clouds

Day 18: Bartholomew Cubbin’s Victory

Day 17:  A Royal Birth        Day 16:  Creative Kids

Day 15: The Scent of Honeysuckle   Day 14: Clip of Kevin Kline Exploring His Masculinity

Day 13: Random Text Messages from My Daughter     Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs    Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers  Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock   Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment     Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles  

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill    Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street

365 Reasons to Smile – Day 13

text messageI am so fortunate to have the gift of my daughter. She is smart and energetic and enthusiastic and expressive.

Especially expressive.

Like her mother, she shares exactly what’s on her mind.

At almost 12, her topics of discussion range from the characters in the latest book she is reading to her dislike of the dinner menu.

When I’m not with her, she uses text messages to share her opinions. I feel fortunate that she still wants to let me into her psyche, and that always makes me smile.

Day 13:  Random Text Messages From My Daughter

Day 12:  Round Bales of Hay

Day 11:  Water Fountains for Dogs

Day 10: The Rainier Beer Motorcycle Commercial

Day 9: Four-Leaf Clovers

Day 8: Great Teachers We Still Remember

Day  7:  Finding the missing sock

Day 6:  Children’s books that teach life-long lessons

Day 5: The Perfect Photo at the Perfect Moment

Day 4:  Jumping in Puddles

Day 3: The Ride Downhill after the Struggle Uphill

Day 2: Old Photographs

Day 1: The Martians on Sesame Street